nightmares, realities and dreams.... LIFE!

A friend of mine and I were chatting up after long. Having known each other since our teens we’ve grown 15yrs together and are still glad to know and love each other…
Though we stand oceans apart, every once in a while when we do catch up, thankfully we can start from where we left off. Yesterday, we were two married women talking about how geographically marriage is looked upon. In India, at my age I might be considered someone who is keeping up with her age and social duties, given I am 30, married and a mother. I obviously have no right to crib or cry or even aspire for more (other than have more kids) cause I have hit the targets on time. Which means I could die today and my tombstone would read ‘She lived her life… COMPLETE!’ Pahhhhhhh!
Whereas my friend, in Italy is seen with suspicious glances given she is 30 and married already! Why would she do that they ask! There is still a long way to go and a lifetime to marry and settle, why the haste?
I am not in for either of the extremes, if I were to debate! I don’t mind being married, I don’t feel bound neither do I feel I have accomplished anything in life by that…
While, I was discussing the pros and cons with my pal, my 5month old kept the conversation going with herself. I cooed along intermittently to keep my daughter going. When I turned around to check if hasn’t got some anti-social toy in her mouth (she is in the phase where she believes if you can grab it, you must eat it) and I saw her trying to her a ball as big as her into her mouth, it was a cute sight but within no time, she rolled over the ball, taking a somersault flat on the ground from the bed.
I scurried, working as swiftly to calm her and check if she was hurt within no time she was laughing but I wasn’t…after many calls to my mother, the doc, the neighbour and more, I finally settled into believing my baby was unharmed. But the daunting task to fill the father with the happenings remained.
Given I am married to him for the past 4years, I knew what to expect… the worry and screaming were something I was anticipating, however the magnitude was 10folds more than expected.
After he settled, it took me 3more hours to settle my li’l one and inadvertently I started replaying my day, the week… my life before my eyes. Obviously, it made me feel my years before marriage was such a cushioned and carefree life that I started to envy all who are still single, without the responsibilities of a husband AND baby on their shoulders… it made me sad, and angry, and frustrated in parts… given my child had slept in my arms while I was pacing with anger mostly at the husband’s outburst I decided I should tuck her in and myself too.
Her eyes blinked laden with sleep, she smiled a little, and stretched her arms one last time to hold onto to me before slumber took over. The sight of your sleeping child fills your heart so, that there is no more space for any other emotion, or even a thought…thank you, Lihua, for being in my life and making everything and everyone else so inconsequential…
Now if only you hadn’t fallen……