Tuesday, June 30, 2009

i called it a poem, he said it's a song...

He walked up the stairs as if he knew the way
I stared not willing to let him slip away,
My heart lost the beat, as tears washed away
‘This is my moment here!’ Passing away….

He painted the picture right out of my dream,
He sang our song, and made my heart scream,
So many times I had dreamt of this,
So many lives I’ve wanted to be his,
He’d finally granted me all I’d wished,
Complete with the right words his task accomplished

Yet there I stood too far for an embrace,
My heart sank, I’d long dropped outta the race,
My fate I’d written with my own hand,
The tears rolled on, and time slipped away like sand

He must hear that No!
Though I’d never want him to go,
I’d to tell him if he didn’t already know….
My heart’s broken pieces weren’t mine anymore….

Monday, June 29, 2009

ramblings.... if I may

Back after a tiny break, it felt wonderful to have my friends reminding me to update, made me feel important and a little proud of my persuasiveness. I literally have them on gunpoint every time I write a blog and compulsorily make them read it  but I love it all the same!
So well, I thought I must have loads to update, since three days is a long time for life to be uneventful… but nothing earth shattering has happened….
Yes, MJ passed away while the world is mourning I don’t know how I feel about it. I mean I do feel bad when I see the news reports and hear his music but that’s that…. I still don’t know what I’m feeling. One things for sure that it’s pathetic to be lonesome, living in a constant fear when you have hordes of people loving you, weeping, waiting for just a glance of you. I guess, they are right when they say too much of anything is bad. And I’ve just been made to realize, I laugh a way bit toooo much!!!

Here’s the thing, I get terribly stifled when I cannot be myself. After a lil bit of sitting-upright-at-the-dinner-table kinda formality in a quick year life at my in-laws has become less stressful and more family. Thankfully, even they, now, know not to get too startled if they see me suddenly dancing to nothing at all… the issue being I never really realized how often I act totally crazy till I completely freaked my father-in-law out!

When he returned from work, I was quietly reading the paper, I was very curious to read about this article they had in the TOI about how the maid has become the family man’s fantasy (they are really creeping me out with such articles) so well, he sneaked quietly at my side and looked rather worried. I looked up at him only to answer questions like – “are you alright? Did someone say something to you? Are you upset? Hungry?” I had zero inkling about what he was getting at but I repeated told him ‘I am fine’…. After much assurance he suspiciously stopped only to ask, “if all is well, why aren’t you smiling and dancing around?” Jeeeeez! I didn’t know I did that so often! No wonder no one takes me seriously at home.

Did I just say home? Surprising cause I really don’t know which one is my home anymore! Is it where my mom is? Is it where my pa-in-law is…. Or is it the place H n I are so fervently trying to make into a home? I guess it is confusion that will remain my asylum for life!

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

it's not the same anymore....

I don’t know what it is about the rains I like so much but I just can’t stop smiling when they declare ‘monsoon’s here’. I haven’t really gone out there and soaked up though I was really close that day…
When it got all windy and dark, Hubert and I decided to go up on the terrace and well, enjoy the rains. Thankfully the watchman was there to open the terrace gate but somehow, for some reason he insisted on standing right there… perhaps he didn’t trust me with my husband!

So basically, so far the rains have been bleak quantitatively; qualitative? I mustn’t go there at all. And what’s this I hear about the El Nino…. Are Americans gonna take away our RAINS TOO??? Any thing Pacific is American-specific to me so I have all the rights to hold grudges!

I miss those days when we were in school and everything used to be shut due to crazy heavy rains.... now, in our concrete jungle it's either drought or floods everything in between is lost!

Anyways, with all the grudging aside, I did manage a wee bit of teehee in the rains while away at lunch today. It was a girl-gang’s day out (didn’t end too well for some) and our choice of place was rather interesting… SPORTS BAR. We did try our hand at basketball since we were letting the ambience take over… the best part was that we did actually basket the ball a few times too so basically happy…

Just that by the time we were out of our lil macho-hangout, there were no rains! There wasn’t even the semblance of it, we did get soaked with perspiration but like some might know, that’s not the same!

Monday, June 22, 2009

Shtuff I don't dig

Sex sells and how! It is actually a fact that a lot of buyers of the daily tabloid like Midday pick it up for the titillating ‘midday-mate’ than for its headlines. Though if you read some of their headlines it pretty much covers up the midday-mate (literally) for they are so outrageously salacious. They say, it’s nothing wrong as long as their sales are going up, but I just feel that people are plain giving up. Having a nude woman in an ad takes care of 90% viewership so why work so hard on the creative? Not ‘racking’ their brains and completely taking refuge behind busty placards saying ‘Sex Sells’.

As I have mentioned, off late I am not too cued into the television scene but that just gets me more appalled every time I check it out. Seriously, the kind of ads that are making waves around these days are very sleazy. And to think, I never managed to get into copy writing!!!! Please tell me, why all the men-deo ads are basically trying to outdo each other in getting the women (very cheap women that too…) though every man on the earth’s surface is basically trying to get some woman or the other, the least that they can do is do it style, dude!

There’s of course, that ‘yeh toh bada toing hai’ number which completely takes the cake. Have they really looked around and seen any man being treated THAT way by a woman? For those who haven’t seen the ad – They makers have tried to project this fictitious world where men are basically playing the ‘abla nari’ and getting bullied by the women. So well, God comes to their rescue and presents the ‘man’ the toing-ie undergarment…
he wears it and suddenly gets all macho. And what’s the first thing a macho guy has to do, threaten the women! Ya that’s being very cool! Gosh! Who makes these ads? And is there anyone out there who thinks they are funny or cool??? I wouldn’t know… actually I would like to believe no one likes them!

Another thing I would just prefer believing is that people aren’t really STILL sitting out there and making stupid jokes on Shiney Ahuja. It’s a disgusting thing – one way or the other, if he’s done it – it’s sickening, if he has been framed, it’s still sickening but don’t make stupid (really they are not funny) jokes on something that’s so disgusting. I don’t know what people are trying to do, trivialize it?

Frankly, off late that’s all the media has been doing - trivialize stuff that’s poignant and highlight stuff that might just catch eye-balls! People don’t have patience with things that require time. Times cannot be changing SO MUCH!

Just recently the NYT had an article saying Holden Caufield (from JD Salinger’s CATCHER IN THE RYE) aint impressing the young any more. It’s in the American curriculum and while people my age relate to the boy, they viz the kids studying it today are finding it extremely boring. They just want him to “shut up and have his Prozac”. I don’t know what to say anymore. I feel like the person in the group who’s trying to say how much fun it was at the game while others are sitting out there lamenting about how boring it was!

Friday, June 19, 2009

Procrastinating sucks!

Sat seeing UNDER THE TUSCAN SUN. I had received great reviews from a friend but frankly it wasn’t something out of the world though I enjoyed it in parts. For the longest time now, I have been in the mood to watch some good stuff, something that’s simple yet sweet (kinda like me *takes a bow*) I did manage to see one a few months ago called A SHOP AROUND THE CORNER and was pleasantly surprise but none after that….

In fact, off late I haven’t really seen many movies (I am a total movie buff, nothing out of the ordinary, even regular boy meets girl movies go wonderfully with me!) not because of the strike, that has never stopped me but just generally hasn’t happened. It’s perhaps the longest interlude between two films so far! Guess the work was hectic or the ambience wasn’t just right. Which is altogether too surprising since recently, on my husband’s insistence and persistence and dedication (he worked very hard for this one) we managed to treat ourselves with a television set.

It was a little expensive venture but since we both love watching movies and always dreamt of that big screen thinggie at the comfort of our own house, we thought we could push ourselves just a lil bit more and get that plasma TV we’ve so been wanting.

The TV is now coupla weeks old but we haven’t seen a single film. Leave aside a film; we didn’t even get through one episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. (no surprise we have the entire collection) we started it, I think twice and just never got around seeing it.

Such is life, you slog and you slog thinking there’d be a time to enjoy it all, and time? Well it just keeps slipping away!

Thursday, June 18, 2009

The Flaunting Frenzy

I am so totally overwhelmed today.

It hasn’t really been too long being married but for someone like me who is totally averse to change, it has been a long time coping up with the NEW. New house, new family, new relatives, new Papa, new kitchen, new me…

While sometimes, even today, my head starts reeling with all the changes that have occurred over the past coupla years; I, sometimes cannot for the life of me remember what it used to be. What is it exactly that I have been missing somewhere deep in my head…

And then I chanced upon an old CD my then-boyfriend-now-hubby had made. It had videos and pictures of how we used to be and just exactly everything in it told me what’s missing in our happy and content life…

Then just visiting people used to be a high, it was like a proclamation that we are indeed together, not just for us but to the world. Just spending that time walking around the mall would have an underlying statement to it saying – we are one, in case you didn’t already know.

Today we are one, pretty happy and content with life so far. We still pretty often visit the mall mostly to fill up the grocery, totally worried that we might have to make a trip again if we even miss the silliest thing (I do make lists but I can never for the life of me find where I kept it, right when I am supposed to leave)

We have those lil moment still wherein we go visiting people and they coming over. Though the times that we get to play host it slightly more thrilling cause we get to flaunt how well we function as a unit…

But somewhere, just somewhere we have, in this year and a half, forgot to be so obscenely proud of being together, we have forgotten what it takes to defy the world and the stares and be lost in each others eyes….

Wish, just wish the life, I saw in the photographs today, lived on forever. Just for once, I don’t want to take the world for granted and really want to spell it out to whoever listens that we are insanely proud of US.

People might ask me why, what’s the thrill?

I frankly, don’t really know. But there clearly is something amiss when you take the most beautiful thing in your life and not really showing off!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

the beginning....

I have been missing writing, though that's what I do for a living everyday/every month.... basically, I have been missing writing about myself. Venting out whatever little I have to say...

I'm pretty inhibited when it comes to expressing me views. I would much rather keep my opinion for myself, it helps me sometimes as a journo wherein I can just do the right thing and just report as heard.... but that doesn't mean there isn't anything waiting to spill out.

With the current events around the film industry, wherein actors are raping their maids (for me its guilty unless proven innocent) and a whole bandwagon of cricketers coming back disappointing the nation.... and then there's the actors wife who is frankly the one person I feel solely upset for.... Being married for over a year now, I sort of know what it feels like to feel related to someone, through no blood-ties but just love, what if feels like to face any surprise that comes your way post the registration that happens in that tiny cubicle where the law pronounces you husband and wife.

And having your husband being called a rapist... well, I would be too shaken to stand there to tell the press anything at all....

How do these star wives do it? Sit proudly at the premier hall, seeing your husband romance another woman..... I would never know